Relationships & The Ex-Factor

Posted: April 19, 2011 in About Me, Tips
Tags: , , , ,

I’ve been thru my share of relationships.  Most of which have finished by me being at the receiving end of a nonsensical excuse for a break-up.  The kind that makes any sort of reasoning, an internal mental struggle that can drive you mad – madness released only by painful acid disguised in the form of tears.

But I promise, I’m not as bitter as I sound; in hindsight, those broken relationships ended for one reason or another –no matter what those reasons were—and it was all for the best.  I’m at a different, happier place in my life now and any attempts at finding cause for past failed romances are useless and irrelevant. 

But what happens when people refuse to close the chapter?  Refuse to close one door and open another one, as they say.  This occurs frequently and makes for a miserable existence on the part of the jilted lover – and sometimes, the heartbreaker.  While I have never placed myself in that position (I let sanity prevail), I can certainly empathize with those that feel distraught over a break-up.  Being dumped, unexpectedly especially, is a difficult pill to swallow; so difficult in fact, that many can’t swallow at all, and are left with the bitter taste in their mouth — or they ultimately end up choking on it. 

My break-ups are handled in a cliché fashion: take it as a learning experience and move on…that works best for me.  Yes, I can understand it’s advice that fits the “easier said than done” idiom category.  What I can’t understand is how some broken up lovers come to a mutual agreement that pursuing an amicable friendship is a healthy form of “moving on”.  I realize that couples turned pals, are possible, and don’t always turn into an affair of scorned ex boyfriends or girlfriends unleashing venomous words guided by hurt egos and pride; the nature of the break-up along with many other things can be taken into consideration when examining these successful alliances. 

But I’m speaking from a personal point of view.  I just can’t fathom being friends with someone who was so much more at one point – I have enough friends as it is anyway.  If you don’t share children, a mortgage or anything else that binds the two of you, say your goodbyes and don’t look back.  Avoid complications, drama and further heartache.  Erase them from your facebook, delete their numbers and toss the photographs, but that’s just me I guess. 

The whole “let’s just be friends” concept post-love, is nothing but awkward when I think about it.  The fact is, the relationship has failed on ALL fronts.  A relationship that consisted of romance AND friendship – you can be friends without romance (until you cross that line), but romance doesn’t exclude friendship.  What makes someone feel that friendship, after parting ways romantically is going to be sunshine and daisies, when you’ve already had your chance at both? 

I find that people who long for the friendship-ever-after, usually have ulterior motives and let’s face it, if the break-up wasn’t mutual, feelings linger for one or both parties. 

Common reasons for wanting to have a platonic relationship with your ex, despite still having feelings for them are:

1. Refusing to let go of the past-Yah, you have great memories and a history, but that’s the key word.  It’s history.

2. Monitoring an ex’s activities and whereabouts-Stop it!  This is unhealthy and borderline stalker behavior.

3. A false sense and usually misguided hope of “starting over” and getting back together-You’re never going to be happy as long as you have this mentality and live in the comfortable confines of a blissful daydream.

None of the abovementioned will benefit the broken-hearted.  If you find that you’re on that boat, do yourself a favour and disconnect yourself from the person that has said their goodbyes already.  Don’t miss out on a better opportunity at love because you’re giving VIP status to someone who doesn’t deserve your heart.

  1. momfog says:

    I am so glad that I am not “out there.” What a hassle. My husband can be a pain, but I’ll take that any day over the drama. Good luck!

  2. Lol. I’m drama-less at the moment and I hope it remains that way since my current girlfriend has me believing she is “the one”. 🙂

    Even in my younger years, I was never one to play games in relationships. If the ride came to an end, I would leave it be. None of those up and down, break up and and make up games my generation is notorious for.

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